The Lipstick Dilemma
by Kankri is my personal Jesus
Summary: Remembering; that's what one does in a dream bubble. Kankri doesn't want to remember everything, as he sits alone with all his life behind, but sometimes, memories are hard to let go of- even though they hurt you. From being a child, to slowly growing up to the painful realization that he has lost her to another, we follow Kankri Vantas's story; His dreams, fears, laughs and loves


All that one could remember was there; if one suddenly remembered a little crack on the wall, the crack would appear before you. If in your memory, the sky was fuchsia and violet, this is the way it would be. Like the sky on Beforus back when we would play with sticks and pretend we were soldiers.

Sometimes, I just wish I could go back to that time; the games we played, the friends we made, our homes, our lusi-Everything that was us.

Living as such as I do now, living as such as Kankri Vantas, is not quite bad. I am a memory of myself, but since this is who I am, I have to live with myself. Living with the mistakes I've made, living with the mistakes I shall make. Even though I'm not even alive any more, I feel the same sensations I remember feeling when I was alive;

The same _superior _intellect- as always, I think a step ahead from all the others, and _my_ conlusions are _always _more logical than the others'; the same enthusiasm to lead others the right way, I must not let them fall into the webs of foolishness; the same familiar bond to Porrim(how dare she hide my newly acquired belt with such a horrible shirt?); the same curly hair, no matter how much I combed it, it would never look straight and respectable; the same stirring sensations as Latula approached me.

The same wish I could only go back in time.

The same wish I could regain that childish innocence.

"Hey, Kanny."

Porrim, Latula and I had been playing in the sandbox as usual on the evenings, making castles of dirt and pretending we were adults.

It had been so easy- one close one's eyes and you were a tall person with suit and other "adult" clothing, and then you were in the world of imagination, where everything was possible.

Now I only wish I could close my eyes and be a child again.

"What is it? I am busy making this huuuuge castle!" Two sweeps old me exclaimed proudly, to then add hurriedly, "it's muuuch better than yours Latula."

Little Latula turned her head quickly, her black locks bouncing on her back and she frowned and reached out her tongue.

"Kanny! That was mean!" Cried Porrim and threw a plastic shovel at me, missing by meters, "I wanted to ask you what you want to become when you're big?"

I didn't know quite what to say, so I looked up at the sky and closed my left eye-as I always did when I was uncertain. After a while, I had decided.

"I wanna be a hero", I declared, "like Pupa Pan."

"That's stupid! My Lusus says you can't be Pupa, because he's not real!" Porrim scoffed with her usual nosiness, "_I _want to become a princess _and _a fashion drawer, that way I can draw my own dresses, and no other princess would have as beautiful clothes as I! Not even Latula!"

The Porrim of now would never admit that she once wanted to become a princess, nor admit that she didn't know how to say "Fashion designer" properly.

Latula looked up from her castle (or rather, mountain of sand) and brushed her hair behind her ear morosely.

"I don't wanna be a princess. I wanna be a cool hero! Then I'll punch Meenah all the time, 'cause she is always pulling my hair", she paused and made an addition to her childhood dream, "_and_ I will marry Kankles in a spaceship. Porrim is the priest!"

Heh. It's almost ironic; it's as if I want to laugh at it loudly, like a madman. _She _dreamt about being _my _matesprit, she had claimed.

I had obviously grimaced; disgusted by the thought as many boys are when the subject of marriage is brought up; I had shaken my head hurriedly and faked vomiting.

Alas; now, here am I- sitting on the lonely stairs of the dream bubble and recall my old self; once forgotten dreams included.

What would I not do today to hear the same words come from those soft lips once again? But that won't happen and I know that all too well, sadly-Those days are over, I guess. Even though I vowed, again and again, to myself; I vowed that never again should I have sinful thoughts. Never again should I feel like a helpless Wriggler by locking myself into the jail of my own feelings.

Yet it keeps happening.

And I won't even try to stop it this time.

I do not have the heart to.

It's hard letting go of memories you treasure so much, if you know what I mean, so I might as well sit here and remember a bit more.

That is what one does in a dream bubble, correct?

As I recall it, red and orange leaves had fallen of their trees and covered the floor in a crunchy layer of colour. The weather had been quite bad, and a chilly wind blew with force and intruded my clothing, even though I wore an extra jacket.

I was particularly moody that day, for I was not content about how my additional clothing hid my newly acquired belt from the view of other trolls. That day was really special, I had told myself over and over again during the week, and I had been so nervous about looking good I had hiked up my pants especially high, and she couldn't even see them!

Latula had promised me to teach me the ways of the "skatez".

Oh my, I was so nervous.

Since I was not as experienced as her in this area, she had specifically ordered me to bring equipment suitable for minimizing eventual impacts.

I rubbed my hands frantically against each other, hoping that the friction would warm me up quickly- it was damn cold by the skate ramp- and then searched in my pockets for the list of things I supposedly would have obtained by now.

The wrinkly little piece of paper had Latula's stylish handwriting on it, and it red:

"_Stuffz 4 n00b l1k3 you'd n33d:_

_1 r4d h3lm3t, buy on3 at the shop b3s1d3 Z4hh4k's hous3 (th3y'r3 th3 ch34p3st) _

_Thos3… th1ngys you us3 to prot3ct your l3gs 4nd kn33s. Buy a codp13c3 1f you don't f33l l1k3 r1sk1ng your, 3rr, p4rts, wh1le gr1nd1ng._

_Oh, thos3 for 4rms 4s w3ll. G33z, 4lmost forgot._

_4nd ov3r4ll, 4 r4d 4ttitud3, K4nkl333333s :D_

_PS, try not to b3 so d4mn squ44444r333… the oth3r trolls w1ll l4ugh 4t m3 for months"_

I did not know what a "rad attitude" was-and believe me when I said I'd trained the whole week. I had red and watched a gazillion different videos and magazines that Latula used to talk about, and before my mirror (in all loneliness and intimacy, of course) I had practiced mimicking rad stuff.

Hopefully, Latula would appreciate it, even though I'd be too embarrassed to show off my newly acquired skills in the matter. Not even in my wildest dreams would I walk up to her, cup my nook and do pelvic thrusts, to then let out a smug "uh" followed by an "I don't give a shit, babe, I own you anyway- I've got the moves.". I had done that before a mirror once or twice, to then realize in the act that it was a quite _retarded_ thing to do.

My hair would not cooperate either. God knows how much gel, mousse and everything else I put into it; and it would not become smooth anyway! I had combed it like crazy before walking to the spot of our "date" (I enjoy calling it that), only to notice that my hair would flip back to its messy self anyway.

I checked my wristwatch. "I'll be waiting", she had said, but that was actually _my _line. That girl sure knew how to be late. You could almost say it was her specialty-well; it _is_, today as well.

It wasn't cold anyway. Not anymore, at least. Actually, it was pretty hot, especially around the area of my neck, where a warm breeze was-

OH MY GOD.

Someone is breathing on my neck.

After hearing all tales about Makara's terrific ancestor, I had become pretty paranoid- my head was filled with images of a man, approaching people and strangling them with a broken bow. All I could hear was_ honk_ as my shaking hand moved backwards to confirm my fears.

To my mortification, my hand reached something, no _someone_. What I touched was soft; it felt _too_ soft to be a troll. It felt like a balloon filled with spoor slime- what was the horrific being I was about to face?

"Yo man, even If I volunteered to come teach you skatin', my intention was never to fill buckets with you, so could you keep those for yourself, bro?"

I turned around quickly, relieved as I at once recognized the voice as Latula's.

She was wearing her usual clothing, even though it was autumn, and she was beaming at me with a huge grin on her face, laying a strand of hair behind her ear. An adorable shade of teal adorned her nose and cheeks because of the cold.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what I just had laid my hands on.

"L-Latula", I stuttered, trying to regain my composure, "has your Lusus not taught you that you should not startle people like that? Goodness, I thought- Oh I don't know _what_ I was thinking. You must not frighten me like that!"

"Whatever you groped me, we're equal", she brushed me off and shrugged, "anyway, you equipped or what?"

"Yes, but-"

Latula nodded towards the ramp, indicating that I should go there. I did as instructed, and she threw me her four-wheeled device which I barely managed to catch.

"So, stand on it", she commanded, "That's the first step Kankleeees!"

"Stand…?" I repeated, as if I never had heard about something so absurd as _standing _on a board, "You want me to s_tand_-"

"Yes, yes", she cut me off and whirled hair around her finger impatiently.

Nothing seemed to make sense around me; Stand on it? What if it expulsed me? What if it made a flip on its own and I end up breaking my nose? No, never. Impossible. I should have stayed at home, updating my blog…

All of a sudden, the board seemed to grow a face, and it tauntingly whispered to me. "_Ride me, biiitch…."_

"I cannot do this", I said abruptly, "it just… I can't. No. What if I die?"

"Kankles, no one has ever _died_ from _standing_ on a-"

"Someone has to be the first", I assured her, my face a picture of panic, and my gaze frantically moving around the area in the speed of sound, "what if-"

I stopped in the act of angsting as I felt Latula's arms around my torso. My body suddenly seemed to have been set on fire; sparks of electricity were sent to my heart, which beat at least four times faster than usual. The area of her touch was struck by that feeling of carsickness, and I could only squeak a tiny "Wha-"until I realized that she had lifted me on top of the device. I felt quite disappointed.

"There! See? It wasn't very hard, now was it Kankles?" She cooed gleefully and clapped her hands, "next up, you-"

Latula was interrupted by me forcefully grabbing her wrists as if my life depended upon it. Her head quickly turned up to face me, and then she winced as she saw my terrified face. Cold sweat was running down my cheek, and my eyes were fixed at my shaking hands. I was biting my lip hard.

"Don't", I hissed between gritted teeth, "Do not let me go, for the ever loving sake of fuck."

Miss Pyrope did not seem to quite grasp my utter discomfort about the situation though, so she simply broke into laugher. I felt a little offended, but at the same time, relieved in an odd kind of way. Latula had a cackling sort of laugher, but if one concentrated, one could hear this little wheezing noise over her voice.

It was nice little noise I often noticed, as I notice a lot about her.

Even though, this did in no way change the fact that HOLY MOTHERFUCK I AM ON A FOUR-WHEELED DEVICE AND I AM SO UNBALANCED RIGHT NOW.

"It's okaaaay, Kankri", she tried in vain to soothe me, "It's toootally fiiine. Exhaale… Inhale."

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND LATULA THIS IS IN NO WAY OKAY PUT ME DOWN AT ONCE I-"

"I am going to let go now."

"NO NO NO NO PLEASE NO-"

I stopped in blank as Latula wriggled from my grip.

I was standing on a four-wheeled device without custody.

Millions of thoughts rushed through my head until it all went black.

Pheeew…

So, how was that?

This is my very first fanfiction, and it seems VERY confusing at first, but the following chapters will be clearer since they follow Kankles's memories. Not only of Latula.

I'd thank you all for leaving a review, a critique, whatever you feel like!

For the trollian handles of these guys, I was thinking-since Hussie has not made one for them-

Uhh

AspirinPulpitarian for Kankri, since he always gives people headaches with his speeches, and he is a preacher; a Pulpitarian.

FraganceDominator for Latula, for ironic purposes since she can't smell, and also totally rules the skateboard.

Aaand, well, if you don't think that's cool, review and tell me, please come with suggestions for the others AND better suggestions for those already done… uhh…

Okay I know I have NO TALENT, in writing, and I do not manage the English language very well since I'm only 14…

Uhh okay inrelevant information.

Sorry


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